20 April 2009

I've been threatening change. Somethings tugging at my pant leg. Its yet to identify itself, but I've got a pretty good feeling that somethings made up of adventure, spontaneity, and little bit of no-good.

Late at night when you all are doing whatever it is that you do. I've been mapping secret escapes to secret places. I pencil them lightly on the inside of my forearm so that when I finally fall asleep the gray area seeps into my blood stream and makes it's way to the most secret parts of my insides. I'm hoping, one day, all these maps will emerge with confidence and fists full of money and persuade me to go the direction I've always meant to go.

I owe you an apology, Seattle. I've been plotting our break-up for the last several weeks. And really? All those fun evenings out and long walks through the city have been laced with insincerity. You seem to always drive the people I love to most to far away places. And, I'm starting to think that is really is you, and not them. I think, we just need to be on a bit of a break. Maybe absences really does make the heart grow fonder and we'll come back more in love then ever.

I've been wearing all sorts of black again and doing more cooking than I'd ever anticipated. If I had the time, a camera and the right words, I'd tell you all about it. But I'm leaving all of that to the people who do it best .

I've been thinking more about love than ever before. Even when I was ear-deep-head-over-heals-in-it. I've been thinking why we love, when to love, how to love, and who to love. And the thing is? Over the years I've placed an inordinate amount of weight on my exceptions and flattened them into a thin, comfortable shawl. And whether love is all dressed up or stylishly dressed down, I'll always be a bit expecatious. I think that may be a problem. And, attending this show, didn't curb any of my obsession.


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