(because the days preceding 2009 were filled with party planning, flat tires, new addresses, snow and a bit of heart ache, I had to wait just a little bit to deflate and make sure my perspective of 2008 was real, and not just a pile of messy words. At least I hope.)
2008,
you sulked into the room with a battered heart, devastating self esteem and a murky outlook on life. You nearly killed the both of us before the end of the first quarter. The only thing noteworthy about your existence is that you were sincere. You didn't pretend to be anything but what you were: devastated, pathetic and painfully thin.
And thankfully, this time around, you were a mediocre year. I am eternally thankful for that. We did a lot of running - to and from a variety of things - but mainly just around. We discovered new/old places with a new/old perspective. We nixed cheese and milk and welcomed wine. We learned to love rock and roll and whiskey. We tanned and swam and learned Spanish. We held hands and touched cheeks and high fived our way out of depression. We sat knee to knee with old, un-relentless friendships and built an unbreakable foundation. We drank and drank and drank and... We bought a fuck load of denim. We let our nails go to shit but opened our heart for tending. You catered to a few sleepless nights that lead to hysterically memorable mornings. 2008, you weren't completely perfect but you have been the favorite thus far.
We learned to love again. Which is something I was very concerned would be near impossible after the living hell we created last December. The inevitable fear of feeling incapable of listlessly loving loomed over us until mid year. And then, when we finally made good on the promise to be the unpredictable, emotionally driven, fast talking, good loving girl I’ve always been a bit ashamed to be. I finally was able to love to love and love again. But it seems, like all good things these days, it ended. And, really, we were okay with it all. Because out of it we got a rad new hair stylist and a handful of good laughs and a few lessons learned. And even though you all weren't invited to a engagement or a wedding, you got to witness love, which I know you know makes the world go round.
This year, our world changed. Finally for the first time in 8 years a sense of relief was offered to the American People. And you and I 2008, we helped first hand by talking and dancing and raising money for the best presidential candidate we've had in our lifetime. And a mere 20 days after you arrive the United States will instantly become a better place and I'll be there to watch it happen. 2009, I have a feeling that together we'll make/see a lot of history. At least, I hope.
This year, we stayed put, right here in our city. Discovering undiscovered neighborhoods and coffee shops and meeting all the people who, one by one, make Seattle the greatest city to live in. We needed a bit of time at home to make sure we'd be able to step sure footed into 2009. That the ground would be solid, and the road a bit easier. And, soon after you arrive we're taking an adventure to LA, New York and DC. We've got a ticket to S. American burning a hole in our pocket - and if with some miracle the Argentinean Government allows dogs - CoCo and I will be on the first plane out of here. Because I can't really wait any longer to do what I want to do.
We moved again. Actually twice. I think, 2009, this won't be the last we see of cardboard boxes and packing tape and Ikea at 9pm on a Saturday.
We spent a considerable amount of time, giving back. Taking time to feed the soul of our city. And, although there could have been more time spent and a little less procrastination and more of a difference made, we made some difference and that's what counts. And I'm hoping for more time in 2009 to trade jokes and sincerity with a whole host of people I didn't know existed in this city.
As we say goodbye I stand here on my tip toes with anticipation for whats to come. For the first time, in ever, I've got the world in the palm of my hand and I wonk exactly what I want to do with it. And what I'll be wearing while I do it. And maybe this year, 2009? We'll put together some noteworthy background music to accompany us on our journey.
2009, 2008 and I and I have one simple request. Make it a good one. With all sorts of giggles, and bruises, and great hair cuts, and new babies, and more languages, and tears, and maybe a little bit more love.
Hive Fives and Giggles,
A
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable,irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is Hell". -C.S. Lewis (the four loves)
2008,
you sulked into the room with a battered heart, devastating self esteem and a murky outlook on life. You nearly killed the both of us before the end of the first quarter. The only thing noteworthy about your existence is that you were sincere. You didn't pretend to be anything but what you were: devastated, pathetic and painfully thin.
And thankfully, this time around, you were a mediocre year. I am eternally thankful for that. We did a lot of running - to and from a variety of things - but mainly just around. We discovered new/old places with a new/old perspective. We nixed cheese and milk and welcomed wine. We learned to love rock and roll and whiskey. We tanned and swam and learned Spanish. We held hands and touched cheeks and high fived our way out of depression. We sat knee to knee with old, un-relentless friendships and built an unbreakable foundation. We drank and drank and drank and... We bought a fuck load of denim. We let our nails go to shit but opened our heart for tending. You catered to a few sleepless nights that lead to hysterically memorable mornings. 2008, you weren't completely perfect but you have been the favorite thus far.
We learned to love again. Which is something I was very concerned would be near impossible after the living hell we created last December. The inevitable fear of feeling incapable of listlessly loving loomed over us until mid year. And then, when we finally made good on the promise to be the unpredictable, emotionally driven, fast talking, good loving girl I’ve always been a bit ashamed to be. I finally was able to love to love and love again. But it seems, like all good things these days, it ended. And, really, we were okay with it all. Because out of it we got a rad new hair stylist and a handful of good laughs and a few lessons learned. And even though you all weren't invited to a engagement or a wedding, you got to witness love, which I know you know makes the world go round.
This year, our world changed. Finally for the first time in 8 years a sense of relief was offered to the American People. And you and I 2008, we helped first hand by talking and dancing and raising money for the best presidential candidate we've had in our lifetime. And a mere 20 days after you arrive the United States will instantly become a better place and I'll be there to watch it happen. 2009, I have a feeling that together we'll make/see a lot of history. At least, I hope.
This year, we stayed put, right here in our city. Discovering undiscovered neighborhoods and coffee shops and meeting all the people who, one by one, make Seattle the greatest city to live in. We needed a bit of time at home to make sure we'd be able to step sure footed into 2009. That the ground would be solid, and the road a bit easier. And, soon after you arrive we're taking an adventure to LA, New York and DC. We've got a ticket to S. American burning a hole in our pocket - and if with some miracle the Argentinean Government allows dogs - CoCo and I will be on the first plane out of here. Because I can't really wait any longer to do what I want to do.
We moved again. Actually twice. I think, 2009, this won't be the last we see of cardboard boxes and packing tape and Ikea at 9pm on a Saturday.
We spent a considerable amount of time, giving back. Taking time to feed the soul of our city. And, although there could have been more time spent and a little less procrastination and more of a difference made, we made some difference and that's what counts. And I'm hoping for more time in 2009 to trade jokes and sincerity with a whole host of people I didn't know existed in this city.
As we say goodbye I stand here on my tip toes with anticipation for whats to come. For the first time, in ever, I've got the world in the palm of my hand and I wonk exactly what I want to do with it. And what I'll be wearing while I do it. And maybe this year, 2009? We'll put together some noteworthy background music to accompany us on our journey.
2009, 2008 and I and I have one simple request. Make it a good one. With all sorts of giggles, and bruises, and great hair cuts, and new babies, and more languages, and tears, and maybe a little bit more love.
Hive Fives and Giggles,
A
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable,irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is Hell". -C.S. Lewis (the four loves)
posted by Amanda Mae at 2:44 PM
4 Comments:
"Do not frown my dear, for you never know who may be falling in love with your smile." - unknown
no fretting here my dear. only undeniable confidence :)
and a little hope.
Where on door shuts many will open...it;s what also makes love so great and makes me feel alive. Cliche time I would rather have loved than to have not love at all. My first encounter with you on New Years 09 at Soitfire will keep you close to my heart always.
J
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