12 June 2008

Dear 27, You. Nearly. Broke. Me.

Broke me to a point where the girl I’ve been learning to live with over the past 26 + years was a mere remnant of herself. And together we learned the very very very hard way that we are best at being that girl and nothing else. We learned that we can’t even pretend to be something else, because in the end we are not pretenders, but realists with a wild imagination.


The past 365 day’s have been much like a Jackson Pollock - a terrified mess of strategically planned lines, splatters, and drips that when viewed by the outsider either look beautiful or pathetic.

27, together you and I took a wild wild adventure called a real life adult relationship. One that lead to sharing addresses and cars and all sorts of other adult things. We learned, that we, however much we think we are ready, are not ready to share our world that way. WE love to love and likely always will. But the one thing you and I learned together,that if we don’t love us, we can’t ever really love someone else. And, that 27, is the most important truth we discovered. And the good thing is we tattooed that lesson right on the softest part of our heart so that every-time it beats a bit too fast the tattoo stretches a little bit bigger. And I hope that maybe 28 will be able to get it to grow all the way around our heart so when the time comes to give it away again, it’ll be nice and safe and ready for another adventure.

The worst part about all that heartache was that we left someone else being less than themselves. And that is not why we are here. We know this, and will do our best to forever remember, that we are here to create good, bring love, and reflect the truth. Please remind 28 of that, sometimes, I think, we can forget.

This year we learned that we are the girl who will forever be faithful to her mental heath. That, no matter what we are doing, who we are with, where we are, the way our brain works will always be on the forefront. Admittedly, it’s a place we never wanted to be but are forever and ever and ever grateful we were forced to figure it out. Thanks to you 27, 28 and I will be at the top of our game for the first time ever.

27, we partied. We danced and danced and danced. We drank and drank and drank. We laughed until we peed and then laughed some more. We aged ourselves 4 years in one, but all in all? it was worth it. So incredibly worth it.

27, at times you left me so deflated I wasn’t sure I’d be able to re-inflate. And I do think that even tho we’ve laughed a whole lot, rekindled old friendships that fill us with love, crumbled and rebuilt our foundation on diamonds - 28 and I will still be working on re-inflating. Because, 27 you took more than you should have and we just weren’t ready.

27, you and I stayed close to home for most of the year. Please don’t be shy in telling 28 how incredibly boring that was. Not that we didn’t love romancing our favorite city, but 28 and I? We plan on moving about here and there and carrying on conversations in languages we’ve yet to fully understand. 28 and I? we plan on being gone more than we plan on being here. Because 28 and I are that much closer to 30 than you and I will ever be. And, nows a good of time as any.

I can’t say you were all trouble and no lovely. You were. Together we learned that we are totally capable of living by ourselves, perusing our dreams despite what (what we think) everyone else thinks. We learned that we can stand firm on a decision. We experienced some of the best music, people and food in the world together and learned that we are indeed able to be 100% carefree and happy - if we allow ourselves to be.

All in All 27, I’m glad you came around. My world will forever be changed by you. You allowed us to fall in love with life for the very first time ever. But I’d also like to wish you well, because knowing you won’t ever be around again, is totally okay with me. It’s bitter sweet 27, but I know you know that.


Dear 28,

a Friend of a friend recently said that she, “Has been waiting to be 28 since I was 12. 28 will be the best year of your life.” That, “I have always wanted to be 28, because I know it will be totally great. It is just the best age”

Do you hear that 28? I’d like to ask that you do your best to make that happen. Because, there is no fucking way we can have it anyway else.

New Beginnings and White Flags,
A

4 Comments:

Anonymous Becky said...

Looking forward to welcoming your 28 and my 27 together with open arms my dear. Until tomorrow... xoxo

2:35 PM  
Blogger Amanda Mae said...

It's been a lovely and crazy year B!

Looking forward to good friends, belly laughs and a sake or two :)

xx

2:40 PM  
Blogger Loosy said...

You write it sister. Write it good.

4:11 PM  
Blogger Loosy said...

???

Write replaced the word ''tell'', btw,

4:12 PM  

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